Return To The Place Where I Belong
by Kanashimi Raven
Summary: What if after fighting the enemys' army of 7-million Saito was send back home? What if after two and a half years it turns out that he doesn't have much time left? Saito thinks back to his days in Tristain and wishes to go back there for the adventures and his friends but most importantly; he wishes to see his precious Louise... And maybe, this Christmas, he will..


Return To The Place Where I Belong

Summary; What if after fighting the enemy army of 7-million Saito was send back home? What if after two-year it comes out that he doesn't have much time left? Saito thinks back to his days in Tristain and wishes to go back there for the adventures and his friends but most importantly; he wishes to see his precious Louise...

Warning; OOC-ness, mild language, Fluff and the good ol' AU!, Hints at Character-death..

Disclaimer: Would I really try writing fanfiction if I owned Zero No Tsukaima?

Author Note! Hello everyone and welcome to my first attempt at Zero No Tsukaima Fanfiction. I hope you will enjoy it, and please be warned that I am still an armature and just trying out different styles. Please no flames!

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><p>" LOUISE!" A deafening scream is produced by a voice so loud that it could awake even the dead. And that voice belonged to me as I scream to let out the anguish and sorrow gripping my heart, and while I scream, I fear that I might have damaged my vocal cords.<p>

My eyes snap opened and I'm breathing heavily. Tears are welling up in my eyes because of the horrible nightmare. The nightmare which comes to torture me every single night, driving me closer and closer towards the edge known as "insanity". And the only way I can keep myself sane is by being awake, because when I'm in control then my mind can't conjure up illusion of blood staining my hands and the hole in my abdomen and the pain. When I'm awake I am not in the middle of a war, fighting the enemy's army of 7 million, trying to hold them off long enough so that the queen and Louise could get away. And that fact alone allows hope to raise in my heart; hope that my Louise is still alive and back in Tristain. That the war ended without any problems. I hope that after I was send back to Japan, she made it out okay and happy. I hope she is laughing and smiling through the days. I really do, even though I wish I was there beside her and not locked away in the whiteness of my hospital room, where it smells strongly of medicine and antiseptic.

This very room is where I have spent the last half a year, crying and laughing and remembering and missing and trying to think of ways of going back to her. This very room, which serves as my new 'home' is a living freezer. So dark and so cold. I have to admit that the darkness is a bit frightening and the way the branches of the trees outside cast shadows of demons reaching their claws towards me while I am in my most defenseless state makes it difficult to fall asleep or relax.

But the moonlight is there, shining gently over my pathetic form as though trying to bring me some form of comfort.

' It's sad.. not even the moons the same' I think bitterly as I stare at my hand where the mark of the gandalf is vaguely imprinted. Is it my imagination or has the mark faded a little bit more since the last time I looked at it two hours ago?

I look outside, where the small snowflakes are gently twirling and dancing downwards towards the ground, covering this polluted and sinister world in blankets of innocence, hiding the pain and distraction from naive eyes. Somehow it makes me feel at peace, seeing the snow falling at last. Christmas seems to have finally come and I confirm it by glancing at the bright red numbers of my digital clock, 00:00.

For once, I feel hope and anxiousness nesting in my chest for unknown to me reasons. It's almost as though my heart knowns something I don't and it's eagerly waiting for it, like a child for his birthday present. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way; I'll be spending this Christmas in an old Japanese hospital, alone except for a couple of hours at midday when my friends from school and my mum will come to visit. However most of the time I will spend in the company of the background noises of nurses tending to other patients and the annoying beeping of my heart monitor. The regular beeps are an indicating of that I am still alive. But am I? Can my existence be simply measured by the beating of my heart or is there more to life than that?

To be honest, I already know the answer to that..Louise. She is, was and always will be my reason for living even if we are thousands of miles apart.

As though to agree with me, I see something inside the bedside tables draw glow brighter than before, as though trying to get out. My frown lights up into a sad smile as I pull the drawer opened where the Ekulerudamuru flower stands in its small glass bottle, glowing a faint pink color. It's the same color as her eyes each time we kissed. Damn, now I start thinking about how soft her lips were, I can't help but wish to feel them again, feel their warmth over my cold ones. This flower is the only thing I have left as a memento. The only sign of that everything which took place wasn't just made up my insane mind like the doctors suspect it is. This flower is the reminder of our promise, all our promises actually.

But most importantly, it means that Louise is alive. It means she is breathing... It meant she was in Tristain and all I had to do was find a way to get back there. And when I do, I will be able to see them all again, I will be able to become their hero again, and experience another horrible yet wonderful adventure and learn a bit more about that magical world I was once summoned into.

Ohh, how I wish I could see Louise again. See her one last time. Hell, I even miss all her insane explosions and whippings, miss fighting and protecting her. Miss seeing her pink eyes glow up with appreciation and we finished a mission. I miss the love always present in her heart and the warmth of her small arms around me, when we slept together, cuddling in her bed back at the academy.

I wonder if she still remembers me, my Louise. Or if she has given up and summoned another, more capable, familiar to replace me. Does that explain why my ruin is fading? I wonder.. Has she gotten married? Does she have a family now?

Somehow those thoughts make me angry. Louise in the arms of another. Louise laughing and smiling for someone who was not me. Louise, forgetting me, forgetting everything we've been though, forgetting all out promises and all our fights. " You promised me I'd get to spend the night with you.." I laugh at how pathetic it sounds now that I think back to it. And how pushy I was, practically forcing her to give up her virginity. I guess I, just like many other guys, don't really understand the value of it. I mean sure, the first time is special and important and all but what was the big deal of having to wait 'til after marriage? .. Come to think of it, we were already married.. weren't we?..

...

It's kind of ironic actually, since it was my selfish desire of wanting to come back home, to see my family and the world I knew as earth and land I called japan, that tore us apart. Apparently my desire to come back home was stronger than staying in Tristain and thus I was brought back and yet the moment I was send back home, all I wanted was to go back there, to Tristain. For some reason, the sailor uniforms and high school girls, and my favorite games and even my family meant nothing when she was not here. I want to go back to my violent and rude yet beautiful master. Ohh Louise, if only you knew how much I missed you..

I close my eyes when I begin feeling the pain in my chest returning and my body turns heavy, indicating that the painkillers were wearing off. Several of my bones were broken and I had damaged organs. I had overheard the doctors saying to my parents that despite my strong want to live, I didn't have long left. It would be a miracle if I made it through another night...

And what had brought this fate on me? Well, I remember a little girl running out onto the road without looking and her hair.. Her hair was pink like Louise's. and seeing the truck about to hit her, my body moved on its own to protect her. The next time I woke up I thought I was back in Tristain with Louise by my side. Imagine my disappointment when it had only been the girls mother, sitting by my side, waiting to thank me for what I had done for her daughter..

And since that day I have been locked up here, plagued by nightmares of Louise and my other friends getting hurt and worrying myself to insanity, not knowing what was going on back in Tristain, or even if I'd ever be able to go back there.

" Louise.. Louise... I hope you're safe, my Louise!" I feel a tear land on my hand, right on the rune, despair gripping my heart along with sorrow and sadness. Now that she was gone, I understood just how much she actually meant to me. To be honest I'd give anything now, anything, just for her to come...

Suddenly the marking glows brightly, so brightly I have to close my eyes. For a moment I feel as though I'm connect to their world and I feel Louise near, I hear her screaming my name, and I scream, as loud as I can.. " LOUISE!" I hope she hears me. I really hope she does. I hope to see her now, on Christmas.. One last time..

Everything goes still and silent, as though nature is holding it's breath and the time stands still, until...

" Louise.." I breath out as I see her standing there before me. In the past two and a half years, she has barely changed at all, her hair has grown a bit longer, down to her lower back and her body looked a tiny bit more like a womans body, or has it always been this way and I was just too oblivious to see? And yet, she was still the same little Louise. Though now that I look a bit closer, she looks skinnier, even more than she was before and her eyes have black rings under them, as though she hadn't slept for weeks. Her eyes were red and puffy, making me wounder if she had cried.

" Saito... is that.. you? " she whispers in shock and I can see the tears in her eyes as she looks at me, her hand pressed over her mouth as she stares with wide eyes on the bandages around my head and chest. No doubt she was surprised to see me with shoulder-length hair, sitting up in my hospital bed just looking back at her as though it were the most natural thing. Slowly, I move my arms open, I invite her into the embrace, wanting to make sure it's really her and not just another fragment of my imagination. She quickly complies and practically throws herself onto my chest. I hold her close, ignoring the pain as best I could.

I breath in her scent, the fresh scent of flowers, cherries and fresh air. I pull her closer, whispering her name over and over, as I listen to her crying and calling me an idiot before, I claim her lips in a kiss. She stiffens but thankfully doesn't push me back and just lets me do as I want to. I see her eyes closing and she holds me gently.

Our tears mix together, tears of happiness and sorrow, of longing and despair. I feel as though she knows that my time is almost up

" Saito..." She breathes when we break apart, but I don't let her speak. I kiss her again and again, not wanting to remember that soon, death would break us apart again. Not wanting to understand that this girl will soon fade from my arms and disappear, no doubt forever this time.

She pushes me back as I trail kisses down her neck. " I love you" I whisper and kiss her again, holding her closer. " Really?" she asks

" Yes"

" honestly?" " Honestly" I promise kissing her once more. The next time we break apart she stares into my eyes with a dark blush on her face

" Let's go home" She says suddenly as she holds out her hand to me and it takes me a moment to realize what she means before I smile widely and I take it without hesitation. I don't care what happens from now on, I don't care how much she is going to beat me, and explode on me and how many times I'm going to have to listen to her ridiculous commands and stand her punishments, I don't care about any of it as long... as along as I can be with Louise. It seems she understands that without me needing to say it; she opens the World Door.

I see the gandarf ruin glow brightly and the pain subsides from my body, making me feel as light as a feather. I stand up from my bed and smile when I feel the cold floor under my feet without feeling any pain at all, then I follow Louise through the portal. Before going through I hesitate for a second. This time, I feel like I won't be able to come back to Japan for a long long time, possibly ever, but it's okay with me. I will be happy a long as Louise is there. Despite that I feel tears in my eyes as I think about mum and dad and the guys from school.

I glance back for a second at the hospital bed, where the messed up blankets make it look as though someone's laying there. I see the snow falling outside the window and the clock showing 00:09 before Louise takes my hand, pulling me out of my thoughts. Seconds later I feel her lips on mine and I wrap my arms around her before picking her up. 'Damn you Louise, you know me better than I know myself' I think, smiling sadly as I focus on our kiss as I walk through the portal..

When there's solid ground under my feet,I open my eyes only long enough to make sure we're back in Tristain before I close them again and continue kissing my Louise. Kissing her over and over for what feels like hours and I would have continues kissing her for many more hours if we were not interrupted...

*Back in Japan*

And the next morning, when Saito's parents arrive to check on their precious son, they were met with nothing but tragic news. Their boy had passed away during the night, the estimated time of death being 00:09.

For his parents and his close friends, this was no doubt the worst Christmas yet, since it brought so much sadness, grief and heartache. And while Mr Hiraga went to sort out some of the paperwork the hospital asked for, Mrs. Hiraga stayed by her sons side, stroking his cheek.

" I hope you're happy, Saito" she whispered seeing the smile on her son's face. It was a smile she got to see only when he told her stories about a boy who was summoned into a land called 'Tristain' by a incompetent mage. She remembered him speaking about that place with sadness in his eyes and when he talked about ' Louise' he wore a smile of longing. The longing of man missing his lover.. Mrs. Hiraga thought those stories were nothing but stories; called forth by his creativity as a result to block out, or possibly even replace, the memories of the time when he was abducted.

Than again, Mrs. Hiraga had an open mind and believed in a life after death. She believed in magic and even in fate and in some ways she held the mind of a child, she was secretly an author of childrens books, after all. But now looking at Saito and seeing him smile this way made her reconsider.

Since his return all she got were fake smiles of happiness while he spend his days out, from early morning to night. And she was certain he was searching or possibly even waiting for something, and every time he came home around ten at night, he would look so broken and disappointed that she felt her heart clutch painfully for him. Sometimes during the night, she'd hear his cries of agony and defeat carry out of his room and into the hallway, other times, she'd hear him calling someone by the name of ' Louise' over and over again. And the worst was that she could do but watch and pretend to be oblivious to it all. She could do nothing to make it easier for him, but listen to the stories he told her..

So maybe.. this was the best for him. Maybe this way, if there was a life after death, he wouldn't have to wear fake smiles anymore. Maybe, he would be able to be truly happy and return to that person he often called for.

" I hope you're back with Louise" she whispered, kissing her sons forehead one last time before leaving his hospital room to go and prepare for the funeral and grief in the solitude of her home. And as she left the room, she missed Saito's voice echoing in the room all the way from Tristain, thanking her for everything she had done for him.

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><p>I hope you liked the story, even though I honestly don't know what just happened O.o ... ohh well, please review and I look forward to seeing you again<p>

Ja ne

~ Kanashimi Raven


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